Saturday, June 8, 2013

Coming out of the Closet

I can't begin to explain how incredibly choked out I have felt in the last several years. In the distant past it didn't bother me too much because I lacked the ability to feel it. Now I can't deny-  I have been hiding in a closet. Afraid to share my gifts and discoveries. Afraid to be seen for who I really am.

I have harbored so much fear of revealing my true self to this world. And in that fear I have even slowed down my own process of self discovery! I have had much fear of judgement and rejection, fear of being labeled as a crazy woman. The truth is, for someone who doesn't understand and speak my language, I probably will be seen as a bit crazy. And there is no way to avoid the fact that MANY humans on this earth are sleep walking and experiencing a very different reality then I do.

It's hard to explain what it feels like to walk with one foot in the physical, 3D reality and one foot in the spiritual, energetic, 5D world. However,  I can't continue to hide myself out of fear of those who don't get it.  I love my magical world and I am open to all that is in existence- whether it is seen and felt by all or only some. And no matter how much I'd like to avoid it,  I am always going to be labeled by some people as "out there" or as a "new ager" or a hippie chick or whatevs. I can't stop ignorant people from labeling me in their minds. I'm sure I have been guilty of pre-maturely judging people through out my life.

I have had many rebirths in this life. I have constantly been discovering my true self and it's hard to pretend that everything is just normal and chill. When I sit here and witness the unfoldement of my grand existence in co-creation with God- all I can think is WOW what a trip this has been. I sense the energy within and without that orchestrates the divine happenings of my day to day...and I sense "it" sensing me. We are sensing each other- and we are one another! WHOA. Yeah that is cool. Not too much of that kind of rambling because for sure that will grant me the loony label real quick.

But just for the record- This is me coming out of the spiritual woo woo closet-

I am an expansive, intuitive and multi-faceteted being.
My mental capacity, the wisdom and intelligence I possess is incredible and growing every single day.
My ability to read and feel energy is strong and only getting stronger.

I know there are so many others out there who have these gifts and are still learning to embrace them and enjoy them as I am.

It is a beautiful process, and should become a fun journey. If you aren't having tons of fun discovering yourself in your awakening and unfoldement then you may not be accepting yourself completely. In the past I have been very burdened by my awareness and sensitive nature. It takes time to learn how to enjoy your specific gifts. It takes time to make peace with life and all its difficulties. It takes time to heal all those old wounds. I am still making peace with many of the experiences that stuck with me in this life that for whatever reason I wasn't able to let go of. It can be hard.

With all that said. I feel it is time for me to really let go. And just be me as much as possible. I wouldn't say that I am done with fear. The fear will alway be there, but I am ready to have more courage. And be more forgiving to the fact that "to be human is to be complex." And there is no way around it, the people who act normal have all kinds of weird shit underneath that they are keeping hidden so it's all good. It's okay to be weird or to have fear or insecurities. It's okay to say the things you have always wanted to say. It's okay to have deep wells of pain inside. It's really really okay.


9 comments:

  1. Oh my let me tell you, Im a wee bit older than you and I only just last year had this revelation! I work as a pediatric social worker and the people in a hospital environment were never stoked to hear about my energy work/massage practice or how green juice would help our patients heal faster than canned protein shakes. Ive been labeled the new age hippie girl my whole life but now I know its their labels and my life! :)

    Its incredibly freeing to sink into yourself and just be! People react based on their own "stuff" and its a shame we hide ourselves for so long fearing other peoples fears!

    Im so excited to see where life takes you now that you are totally free to love, to feel hurt, to feel joy, to be messy and confused at times and most importantly to BE YOU! YAY!!!

    (sorry I went overboard with the comment, I was really excited lol )

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  3. Beautiful post Sophia :) I loved it and I couldn't relate more.

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  4. Sophia, I am so happy to see you use the gifts that you have been given...your truth...unafraid of any negative reaction directed your way...it is what I said would happen as you found your voice.

    Your Sister, Sharon

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  5. Wow, thank you for sharing and being so honest. I completely resonate and get what you wrote in this entire post, and here, "...and just be me as much as possible. I wouldn't say that I am done with fear. The fear will alway be there, but I am ready to have more courage." This just hit it on the nose, for me at least. It's incredible the similar things so many of us feel and experience on similar yet different journeys... but it is such a gift, this journey of self love, joy, divine truth, and so on and so on.

    Oh and the "hippy chic" thing made me laugh becuase I've been getting this a lot recently at work and family. (sigh - it's kind of funny). I'm glad to have found your blog.
    :)

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  6. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others.."

    Matthew 5:13

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  7. i'm feelin ya! i feel like i'm constantly ebbing and flowing in and out of hiding. being around loving and accepting people is really the best cure for me! no courage required! =)

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