I can't begin to explain how incredibly choked out I have felt in the last several years. In the distant past it didn't bother me too much because I lacked the ability to feel it. Now I can't deny- I have been hiding in a closet. Afraid to share my gifts and discoveries. Afraid to be seen for who I really am.
I have harbored so much fear of revealing my true self to this world. And in that fear I have even slowed down my own process of self discovery! I have had much fear of judgement and rejection, fear of being labeled as a crazy woman. The truth is, for someone who doesn't understand and speak my language, I probably will be seen as a bit crazy. And there is no way to avoid the fact that MANY humans on this earth are sleep walking and experiencing a very different reality then I do.
It's hard to explain what it feels like to walk with one foot in the physical, 3D reality and one foot in the spiritual, energetic, 5D world. However, I can't continue to hide myself out of fear of those who don't get it. I love my magical world and I am open to all that is in existence- whether it is seen and felt by all or only some. And no matter how much I'd like to avoid it, I am always going to be labeled by some people as "out there" or as a "new ager" or a hippie chick or whatevs. I can't stop ignorant people from labeling me in their minds. I'm sure I have been guilty of pre-maturely judging people through out my life.
I have had many rebirths in this life. I have constantly been discovering my true self and it's hard to pretend that everything is just normal and chill. When I sit here and witness the unfoldement of my grand existence in co-creation with God- all I can think is WOW what a trip this has been. I sense the energy within and without that orchestrates the divine happenings of my day to day...and I sense "it" sensing me. We are sensing each other- and we are one another! WHOA. Yeah that is cool. Not too much of that kind of rambling because for sure that will grant me the loony label real quick.
But just for the record- This is me coming out of the spiritual woo woo closet-
I am an expansive, intuitive and multi-faceteted being.
My mental capacity, the wisdom and intelligence I possess is incredible and growing every single day.
My ability to read and feel energy is strong and only getting stronger.
I know there are so many others out there who have these gifts and are still learning to embrace them and enjoy them as I am.
It is a beautiful process, and should become a fun journey. If you aren't having tons of fun discovering yourself in your awakening and unfoldement then you may not be accepting yourself completely. In the past I have been very burdened by my awareness and sensitive nature. It takes time to learn how to enjoy your specific gifts. It takes time to make peace with life and all its difficulties. It takes time to heal all those old wounds. I am still making peace with many of the experiences that stuck with me in this life that for whatever reason I wasn't able to let go of. It can be hard.
With all that said. I feel it is time for me to really let go. And just be me as much as possible. I wouldn't say that I am done with fear. The fear will alway be there, but I am ready to have more courage. And be more forgiving to the fact that "to be human is to be complex." And there is no way around it, the people who act normal have all kinds of weird shit underneath that they are keeping hidden so it's all good. It's okay to be weird or to have fear or insecurities. It's okay to say the things you have always wanted to say. It's okay to have deep wells of pain inside. It's really really okay.