Sunday, December 30, 2012

Playing Catch Up

I haven't shared here in quite some time. It's been hard for me to gather my energy enough to write in the blog because life has been on the go for so long now. At the moment I am relaxing hard at my folks house after getting back from Tulum Mexico where we stayed for two weeks with my family. Believe it or not I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation. Dan and I are all about keeping our day to day flows and rhythms balanced and in synch but the last few months things got a little hectic and we feel very strongly about getting settled somewhere where we can focus on ourselves, our evolution and work.
Now that things have come to a screeching  halt and I have planted myself in the house I grew up in- I feel so much love for this house, my life, my relationships (especially the one with myself) and the ability to get grounded. Sometimes simplicity is what really feeds the soul. It has taken me quite sometime to get to that realization. I have always been such a dreamer, wanting to go on adventures and do fun and exciting things. I still have that in me but I definitely can appreciate having my own solid place to call home where I can rest and incubate within my own energies. I appreciate being able to be near my family and friends. More then anything I appreciate alone time. I am some one who needs a lot of self reflection time and traveling in a van for several months with your boyfriend doesn't give you that. We actually did quite well considering the circumstances.
I feel more focused then ever and have clear visions of my goals right now. There is a lot of inner work (always) but also working with my body- healing and strengthening all the systems and enjoying that. Believe it or not being healthy is a fun path- especially when you really start to realize how much time and energy you waste doing things that are destructive to your life and evolution as a being here. I used to do a lot of things that never really served me.
I am excited to focus on music and singing again. It is a passion of mine that I have put aside far too long out of self-doubt and fear. I realized today that I am the only one losing out when I give into those feelings and negative self-talk. I had created too many expectations around my talent and forgot how to have fun and play. It became an obligation- something I must do (and better not fail at) instead of gift God gave me to enjoy and express. So who knows where it will take me, but I know when I sing I feel so much love and joy that I must create more time for it and not worry if anybody is listening. It's so weird that I don't want people to hear my voice because I actually have a bit of talent on my hands.  but I feel like if someone hears me then it will be extremely embarrassing...? Not sure why. I guess I feel like they will hear my soul or really know who I am. I get that way about public speaking or talking aloud about anything I really care about around certain people.
I imagine these are normal 25 year old issues. Its all about finding and standing within your true identity and knowing there is nothing wrong with it. Gee.. it sure is easy to write about! Writing has always come easy for me so it's not a challenge. Singing in public again....thats a challenge. Getting on video and speaking- for some reason that is a challenge.
Dan and I were laughing on the beach on a day that we felt particularly burdened with troubles. There we were laying on the beautiful beach (such a joke) talking about all our supposed issues. After struggling and resisiting all my stress I finally decided, You know what?  I guess I am okay with being a troubled one. I guess its alright if we are crazy. That's what I said to Dan. And it took us out of our minds for a moment.
It's not that we are insane. It's just that we create many issues with our minds. Our minds are so powerful that they tend to create all kinds of troubling issues that wouldn't be there if we had been present and in the moment. If we had been aware of the bigger picture. You know, seeing the forest from the trees type thing. It's all about raising your vibration. One day I have all kinds of worries and woes, and then give me a Dr. Hawkins audio to listen to for an hour and they have all gone away. Why? because those problems don't exist on the new higher plane of consciousness I stepped into.
Yes, everyday we can transcend just about every issue that is bothering us. Every problem is usually something we created from a view point we are holding onto in our minds. It's so fun to transcend the viewpoint and look at it all from a higher perspective. It's a miracle. I do believe that is exactly what a miracle is. One moment you think your world will come to an end if you don't pass this test and the next you have divine intervention with the realization that every thing is happening in perfect divine timing and God never gets it wrong. And then you can continue studying with ease and grace and perfect harmony with the knowingness that you can only do your best.

I guess I will end on that note. Much love to everyone out there enjoying or not enjoying this human experience. We are all playing that same game.


  1. s. Its all about finding and standing within your true identity and knowing there is nothing wrong with it..... Wow Sophia :) :) I tell people ( be ok, with what's not ok... Then you will be ok ) ;) thanks for sharing that lovely crazy brain of your - it's a blessing

  2. You're great. Reading this was inspiring.

  3. check out this sad/funny cartoon

    and this blog

  4. Hi Sophia,

    I think it's because you're really honest when you're singing/making music that you feel embarrassed when singing in front of people. You are serious about your art and creation, that's why honesty flows through your voice and music and you're afraid that strangers will hear the true You.

    Of course, I wouldn't know this because I've never met you or heard you sing but the very path that you're taking with your life; helping others to detox and get healthy tells me that you have that zest in you.

    The writer Neil Gaiman said this," The moment you feel that just possibly you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists inside, showing too much of yourself; that's the moment you may be starting to get it right."

    Watch this speech. I often listen to it when I feel like giving up, overwhelmed by that self-doubt and fear that comes hand in hand with being an artist.

    All I know is that when I sing, it doesn't really feel like I am singing- the melodies that I hear, which come through my voice seem not to come from me but instead from another ethereal, another universe. And it feels so incredibly uplifting although sometimes disturbing too.

    Consequently because it comes from another place, most likely of a spiritual nature, I found (after a long period of introspection) that I can't/couldn't mould an "ego" for myself to really go for it and get myself gigging and known in the real material world- where some musicians are competitive, discount their own art in exchange for fame, compromise on honesty for the sake of creating "easy music" so that they can sell more albums to the undiscerning ears of the masses, just for more money in their banks.

    To me, they are LYING to listeners about the realities of life even if their music brings joy to others. It's so depressing. That's why I find it really hard to exchange music for money.

    Anyway, I just wanted to share a little. As usual with me, it got a bit long and wordy! :/

    It's interesting to read this here because I'm going through a similar dilemma too with music. I actually came here from Dan's channel to read about your detox path and perhaps get a little inspiration to go raw again. But I got inspiration for my art instead. :)

    "So who knows where it will take me, but I know when I sing I feel so much love and joy that I must create more time for it and not worry if anybody is listening."
    Thanks for writing this. That's exactly what I feel when I sing too and I should remind myself to make time for it every day.

    I guess it does get easier when we realise that like showing people the way to true health, the aim of art and music is to serve others, not ourselves and to really enrich their lives from the 3-4 minutes of time that we have their attention.

    And like what you said about music being a gift from God- I should feel privileged that God gave me this gift of music that allows me to connect with others effortlessly, to share messages about this journey of life with them because so many more ears are open to music, more so than any other domains out there.

    Thanks for sharing your writing with us.

    Take care and all the best with your music and Regeneration Nation! I hope to hear some of your music on Youtube one day! :)


  5. Clara! What a sweet and insightful post! I am just seeing this now. I agree with everything you said here and it means a lot to me. I am gonna go check out the link you sent... <3

    1. take care and keep on singing! :)