I haven't shared here in quite some time. It's been hard for me to gather my energy enough to write in the blog because life has been on the go for so long now. At the moment I am relaxing hard at my folks house after getting back from Tulum Mexico where we stayed for two weeks with my family. Believe it or not I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation. Dan and I are all about keeping our day to day flows and rhythms balanced and in synch but the last few months things got a little hectic and we feel very strongly about getting settled somewhere where we can focus on ourselves, our evolution and work.
Now that things have come to a screeching halt and I have planted myself in the house I grew up in- I feel so much love for this house, my life, my relationships (especially the one with myself) and the ability to get grounded. Sometimes simplicity is what really feeds the soul. It has taken me quite sometime to get to that realization. I have always been such a dreamer, wanting to go on adventures and do fun and exciting things. I still have that in me but I definitely can appreciate having my own solid place to call home where I can rest and incubate within my own energies. I appreciate being able to be near my family and friends. More then anything I appreciate alone time. I am some one who needs a lot of self reflection time and traveling in a van for several months with your boyfriend doesn't give you that. We actually did quite well considering the circumstances.
I feel more focused then ever and have clear visions of my goals right now. There is a lot of inner work (always) but also working with my body- healing and strengthening all the systems and enjoying that. Believe it or not being healthy is a fun path- especially when you really start to realize how much time and energy you waste doing things that are destructive to your life and evolution as a being here. I used to do a lot of things that never really served me.
I am excited to focus on music and singing again. It is a passion of mine that I have put aside far too long out of self-doubt and fear. I realized today that I am the only one losing out when I give into those feelings and negative self-talk. I had created too many expectations around my talent and forgot how to have fun and play. It became an obligation- something I must do (and better not fail at) instead of gift God gave me to enjoy and express. So who knows where it will take me, but I know when I sing I feel so much love and joy that I must create more time for it and not worry if anybody is listening. It's so weird that I don't want people to hear my voice because I actually have a bit of talent on my hands. but I feel like if someone hears me then it will be extremely embarrassing...? Not sure why. I guess I feel like they will hear my soul or really know who I am. I get that way about public speaking or talking aloud about anything I really care about around certain people.
I imagine these are normal 25 year old issues. Its all about finding and standing within your true identity and knowing there is nothing wrong with it. Gee.. it sure is easy to write about! Writing has always come easy for me so it's not a challenge. Singing in public again....thats a challenge. Getting on video and speaking- for some reason that is a challenge.
Dan and I were laughing on the beach on a day that we felt particularly burdened with troubles. There we were laying on the beautiful beach (such a joke) talking about all our supposed issues. After struggling and resisiting all my stress I finally decided, You know what? I guess I am okay with being a troubled one. I guess its alright if we are crazy. That's what I said to Dan. And it took us out of our minds for a moment.
It's not that we are insane. It's just that we create many issues with our minds. Our minds are so powerful that they tend to create all kinds of troubling issues that wouldn't be there if we had been present and in the moment. If we had been aware of the bigger picture. You know, seeing the forest from the trees type thing. It's all about raising your vibration. One day I have all kinds of worries and woes, and then give me a Dr. Hawkins audio to listen to for an hour and they have all gone away. Why? because those problems don't exist on the new higher plane of consciousness I stepped into.
Yes, everyday we can transcend just about every issue that is bothering us. Every problem is usually something we created from a view point we are holding onto in our minds. It's so fun to transcend the viewpoint and look at it all from a higher perspective. It's a miracle. I do believe that is exactly what a miracle is. One moment you think your world will come to an end if you don't pass this test and the next you have divine intervention with the realization that every thing is happening in perfect divine timing and God never gets it wrong. And then you can continue studying with ease and grace and perfect harmony with the knowingness that you can only do your best.
I guess I will end on that note. Much love to everyone out there enjoying or not enjoying this human experience. We are all playing that same game.
Friday, December 7, 2012
I want to speak on the topic of avoiding pain and the many ways we try to bypass tension, anxiety, anger, sadness, fatigue or any other unpleasant feeling that arises in our day to day reality.
I have learned in the last year that eating clean living foods serves as a vehicle to move you through discomfort in order to feel, process and let it go. Although you may feel really great and energetic 80% of the time while living this lifestyle- there will always be sticking points… because the reality is, we all have wounds.
WE ALL HAVE PAIN THAT WANTS TO BE FELT AND RELEASED. And as long as were on this planet, having experiences- we will continue to have energy that wants to be cleared out. Healing is a never ending process. Some of us have bigger blocks in our energy field that want to be processed more sooner then later. Maybe childhood experiences that created false beliefs or nuero pathways in our brain that are creating a schism in our day to day flow.
I have noticed that eating a diet that consists of whole fruits, juices, smoothies and salads and maybe the occasional steamed veggies- in other words eating for optimum health, energy and detoxification- and not purely for taste- can become a vehicle for confronting our emotional and mental blockages that prevent us from meeting our full potential in this life. What are some of the obvious ways humans avoid pain? Drugs (legal and illegal), alcohol, porn, T.V, video games, stimulating food, exercise and/or avoiding exercise, sex addiction, facebooking, excessive shopping. These are all sedative/numbing out process's or process's of emerging so deeply into something that you can successfully avoid or distract yourself from whatever is bothering you. This isn't a complete list of all the ways we humans have managed to distract ourselves from pain and some of these habits are clearly worse then others. Not all of them have to be an avoidance mechanism- it just depends on who is doing them, how and what for. For example exercise can be a very healthy habit to move out stagnant energy but it can also be an avoidance mechanism. Some people get addicted to running, exercise, lifting weights especially if they have so much stress in their personal life that they push their body until they don't feel a thing. I have the opposite problem, I avoid physical pain or stress in my body so I somehow manage to avoid exercise because I associate it with challenge and difficulty. (I'm working on that.)
When I began eating this way I also dropped some of my other destructive choices such as drinking alcohol, smoking weed, consumerism, and I had stopped watching T.V years ago. Now, when I have low points or feelings of hopelessness or pain, I have no real outlet to numb myself out. In the past I may have smoked some weed to put myself at ease or decide to go out that night and get a drink with friends. Or I may decide, God I am really craving super spicy Thai food, I am gonna get some take-out. I'm not saying that I was out of control with destructive patterns of overeating and substance abuse. But I did manage to avoid many feelings without realizing it for quite some time. For someone like me who has always made it a priority to live in a way where I feel I am constantly evolving as a human, this discovery means a lot to me.
This is why choosing living foods on a day to day basis- although challenging at times, is very valuable. Yes, there are times to ease up and be gentle with yourself, but there are also times when I recognize that eating certain foods that I am craving actually won't make me feel better-- that those cravings are there because I am stressed out and I am seeking a way out through sensory pleasures. And most likely I will feel worse about myself after I am done eating.
I really wanted to share my insight on this subject because I find it so useful during this time in our evolution as a planet. The western world has a lot of power to influence and create a better planet, but most of us our so stuck in self-destructive patterns and distracted with different mechanisms of avoiding our own pain and emotional baggage- that we cannot evolve into the highest potential of ourselves. We are all doing our best and slowly but surely we are making progress. But time is speeding up and the time is now for us to do away with whatever we hold onto that isn't serving our path so we can claim our power. This is the time to get into a place where we can optimally direct our energies to whatever cause we feel in our hearts is the most important to our growth and the growth of the people around us and the planet.
We don't need any more successful business men on this planet. What we need is more healers. We need more truth seekers. More then anything, we need more people living in their joy and bliss and fulfilling their divine purpose here on this planet. Health of the physical body is one spoke on the wheel of wellness and it cannot be ignored if you want to be living your highest potential. Taking the time to understand which foods resonate highest with the human body is so beneficial to having a clear mind and optimum energy to walk your path here. I also have the understanding that as energetic beings we all have different paths and we are evolving and integrating different lessons simultaneously. So, there is no need to stress or push yourself into eating a certain way, you will cleanse the body when you are called to it. And when you are in alignment with that. JUst like I will start to really get this exercise thing down when I am in alignment with activating my physical strength. In the meantime I will work on it without beating myself up or punishing myself for not loving strenuous exercise.
Thanks for reading my rampant thoughts. Writing really helps me to organize my thoughts and ideas and hopefully it gave you something interesting to ponder as well. Much Love.